Title: 1123

Wednesday, Feb 4, 2004

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Go, and never darken my towels again.

February 4, 2004
4:06 AM

I am, as many famous people will probably not note, a slacker.

This fact is evidenced by the other fact that I have not written a rant in this ranty-space thingy since January 19th, which was LAST MONTH. (only 15 days really, but who’s counting) Thankfully, things have calmed down enough so that I can get to the keyboard and write about stuff you probably don’t care about. But dammit, I’m gonna write it anyway!

I was musing to Liz, Cliff and Christy the other night that in one night, we had managed to see the two polar opposites of what to do with a successful franchise. Our evening had begun by watching a movie that quite a few people have recommended to us, (unfortunately) American Wedding. If you’re looking for the short version of this review, read no further: DON’T. If you’re looking for an even shorter version, you should have stopped reading already. I was a fan of American Pie. I even enjoyed the hell out of the second movie, American Tag Team Footbal. Wait, no… wrong movie. Anyhow, we start watching American Wedding, and the first scene is along the lines of what we expected. Then you cut to the scene right after that… the wedding shower. It’s going well enough, and then Stiffler shows up. I liked Stiffler as a character well enough, but when he opened his mouth, it was as though God himself had decided that my ears had gone undefiled long enough. Stiffler has gone from being a sex-crazed jerk to being a LEGALLY RETARDED sex-crazed jerk. It’s like during the last few years, someone had hit Stiffler on the head with a frying pan and caused permanent brain damage. He spends most of the movie running around shouting stupid things regardless of who’s around, and when he’s finished with most sentences, he has this sort of half-laugh that you’d usually hear from one of the members of your local physics club. It’s NOT Stiffler. The other characters are more or less the same, but the movie ends up being very predictable, and more or less just annoying. We were counting on our fingers the overused comedy plot-types used in the film. “Okay, we’ve got the ‘oaf embarrases himself in front of a party’, the ‘hiding people in the house from unexpected guests’, the ‘guy doesn’t know he’s in a gay bar’…” the list just goes on. Granted, there were some fairly funny moments, but overall I’d have to say it’s probably one of the worst movies I’ve seen in a long time. Not worse than Daredevil, but, I’d take a bullet in the brain before watching Daredevil again.

Now, I said the polar opposites of what to do with a successful franchise. One, as American Wedding so wonderfully pointed out, is to run that sucker into the ground beyond all hope of ever reviving it. The other would be to make something so amazingly good you’d never see it coming. Friends, Countrymen, Ears, The Simpsons have done such a thing. While we were renting American Wedding, Cliff holds up “The Simpsons Hit and Run” for Xbox, and I understandably groaned. But we popped that sucker in the magic game box, and what we found hiding in there was one of the most fun gaming experiences we’ve had in ages. It’s a GTA clone at its core, but they’ve put in some very humorous story missions, and even the damned tutorial was entertaining. All the real people are doing the voices, and the levels are a blast to explore (and they’s BIG). I’m really not very good at impromptu game reviewing, but I’ll simplify it all down to basic grunts and gestures to tell you that you need to play this game. Amongst a few others.

See, there’s this other game you might have heard of… Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time. Cliff got me playing it, and hot damn… Penny Arcade said it best: “Best Everything”. I really can’t think of anything about the game I would change. It’s perfection at its core. I’ll have to let it sit in, but it’s easily one of the best games I’ve played in the past year (and no, that’s not a cop-out, i meant from last year to this one).

And now I’m done ranting. I suppose I’ll end the rant with the requisite plugs: If you haven’t already clicked the ads you see to the top and left, please do so. It makes me look good, and it makes them happy. Our current advertiser is Geneon, who was previously a little company called Pioneer. Yeah, that’s right. THAT Pioneer. They’ve got all sorts of great series’ available to check out (I’m a Chobits fan myself, so that alone makes me happy). I’m rather intrigued by the Licensed by Royalty series… I’ll have to check it out. You do the same. 🙂 Also, I impore you again to head to Dr. Devious Vs. Lincoln High. He’s got a new strip up, and a knife to my throat, so don’t hesitate. Just GO. I go sleep now.

It’s been there so long, it’s left an imprint.

February 4, 2004
1:15 PM

You may or may not have noticed, but I finally saw fit to remove my lumbering ass from the chair in which it has rested these many, many months and updated key aspects of this page. Aspects which any self-respecting web guy would have updated a long, long time ago. Little things, like the copyright date in the title, big things, like the 2004 archive page, stupid things like the Today’s Thing, and other things as well. This is NOT to be taken, however, as an intent to keep updating these things. I’ve built up a solid reputation of lazyness, and I’m not about to let some stupid bout of insanity ruin that for me. Oh, no.