Title: 1142

Tuesday, Mar 2, 2004

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That little box on my TV that does nothing but make hard drive noises and display a loading screen…

March 2, 2004
4:11 PM

Let’s set the record straight here, people. I have not punched your baby in the face. I have not, in fact, kicked your dog. I simply related a situation regarding my “TiVo “. I use quotes, because a TiVo, if I’m to believe what I’m told, records television shows, and allows me to pause and rewind live TV. The silver box on top of my television, however, does not do that. I makes the sound of a hard drive attempting to access and failing, and displays a nice grey loading screen. Therefore, while it may bear the little TiVo logo, it is not, in fact, a TiVo. What cheezed me off is that it worked just great the night we got it. We were setting up recording schedules, flipping back to replay bits of a show, all that. Then, while watching Beverly Hills Cop, the screen froze. And not because we had pressed the button, either. Oh no. See, if we had done that, I would have been all like, “press the button again to play it.” But alas, as the TiVo itself decided to freeze the image, we were but slaves to its diabolical whims. No amount of button presses would relinquish the evil stranglehold TiVo held Beverly Hills Cop in. It angrily churned away at the Hard Drive, as though devouring it. For nearly 15 minutes, we wrestled with the vile box, when suddenly it went silent… catatonic. We had no choice but to pull the plug. But alas- it was a trap! Upon rebooting, we were subjected to the very same hard drive noises, yet this time with an utterly uninteresting text message upon a grey backdrop send from hell itself! No more was our screen graced with the frozen visage of Eddie Murphy! And thusly, we wept.

However, the DirecTV people, taking pity on us, have said they will send out a new TiVo for us. One can only hope it will arrive expediently, so as to put an end to the reign of terror from El TiVo Diablo.