Title: 1350

Thursday, Dec 30, 2004

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Entropy

December 30, 2004
5:17 PM

With all the talk in the comic about ending the seattle trip early because of a new year’s comic, things have kind of gone to crap in our little household, and I’m currently in no frame of mind whatsoever to work on a comic right now. I’m not certain when I WILL be back in that frame of mind. Maybe it’ll happen over the weekend, I don’t know.

I’m not gonna talk about what happened, I’m not even gonna tell it leaving names out “to protect the innocent”. All it comes down to is that there is someone we don’t like, and because of a mutual friendship between that person and everyone else we know, new year’s plans fell into the toilet and a lot of feelings were hurt. I’m not even sure who’s “right” or “wrong” at this point. I don’t even know if those terms are relevant in this case. Inside, I feel like people I know think I’m an asshole. I wonder if maybe I am an asshole. But I can only rely on what goes on inside my head, and inside my head, I did what I thought was right. Maybe that’s how all assholes feel. I don’t know. I’m just numb at this point. I can’t bring myself to do anything but read. Doing the comic is second nature to me, and I can’t bring myself to fake things and put on a happy face. I just want to exist in a hole, where there’s nobody around to judge me, and maybe after I ride this thing out, I’ll crawl out of the hole and move on.

Just, whatever you do, don’t worry about me. I’m a human being, after all. Humans aren’t breakable beyond repair, and I’ve always been pretty good at fixing myself. But I don’t want supportive e-mails, because I really don’t think I’m worth supporting right now. Even if I feel justified in my actions, nobody else seems to agree with them, so I must be in the wrong. And there’s not really much I can do to change that, even if I wanted to. So just let me ride this out, and when I’m back in a proper mood, I’ll get back to it. Could be I’ll be back in it tomorrow. Could be next week. I don’t know. I’ve only been in a funk like this once or twice before, so I don’t have the widest frame of reference. But whatever happens with me, I wish all of you, EVERYONE, the happiest new year’s you can have. Just be happy with everyone – I don’t want anyone to wind up like me.